Rekha O Rekha

OK Guys,

Tomorrow is Rekha the Divine Diva's 50th birthday. And Rekha has been the greatest gay icon Bollywood has ever produced so far. Though I shall remain the eternal slave of Meena Kumari, the Rona-Dhona Rani who made us laugh and wallow in our sorrows, Rekha brought mystery and magic to our lives. This she did by working very hard on her figure, her scripts and -- yeah. Her makeup!!

Show me one gay man who doesn't have his own version of Umrao Jaan's fantastic naatch song, 'Dil Cheez Khya Hai' and I'll show you a damn liar. I've seen different versions of it in cities as far apart as Berlin and Melbourne. The Pakistani queens, of course, do the coarser versions but then they're all used to those Pathans from the Baluchistan wild west.

Rekha, of course, is unbeatable because she's so over-the-top high-camp man. Today's 'Bombay Times' has Afsana giving us so much hot air about how Rekha is just "starting". Starting what,dearie? Another allegedly straight romance for the news-hungry naive filmy press?

Rekha has always been a gay man's icon ever since she came out of that Chennai cocoon as a gorgeous gal. From a fat lump of Idli Atta, she turned into the beautiful butterfly who straight men wanked off just thinking off. And she taught gay men her tricks of getting men all hot in their pants -- without allowing them a mile anywhere near her.

Gay men learnt that by going to Freidas for a new hairdo and then wearing some zug-mug Chirag Din shirt, they'll make the men fall at their feet! But, of course, nothing like that ever happens. Just as straight men can't get within a mile of Rekha, most Bombaiya queens end up with fellow queens. It's pomfrets by the pair in Crawford market, sweeties.

People always ask me why o why do men never get a chance getting close to Rekha.

Simple guys. She may look like a volcano but boy, if I know her, she's more like an iceberg with the male of the species. She leaves them to the queens who swarm Bollywood like ticks on a dog.

Here's hoping the Star News program -- on Sunday, October 10 at 20.30 hours -- will be worth watching. As I have my one minute of glory there courtesy Rajeev Masand, I hope you guys watch it for those nasty little giveaways!

Happy 50th Birthday Rekha. Kiss Farzana on my behalf.

Ooops! There I go again!

Amma